Domestic Arrangements Read online

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll read it to you later. I think—” Just then the door opened. We looked at each other.

  “Daddy?” Deel called out.

  “Hi,” Daddy called from the hall. He came down with his coat still on. “Where’s Amanda?”

  “She’s having a drink with Simon,” I said. “She said she’d be back at six thirty.”

  “It is six thirty,” Daddy said. He likes things to happen when they’re supposed to.

  “Maybe I’ll set the table,” I said, scurrying in there.

  Daddy followed me. “Well, I called Mr. Lasker,” he said. “We’re having a drink with him and his wife at nine.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  I put the silverware out. Daddy stood there, watching me. “He said he appreciated my concern,” he said dryly.

  I folded the napkins. I didn’t know what to say.

  “Tat, there are two issues here.”

  “Uh huh?”

  “One is the simple matter of rules. Now, you know, we are very, very, I would even say inordinately, flexible about rules. So the few we have are just set up for your benefit. Having a curfew of eleven on a night before school is hardly Draconian by any standards, even the most liberal.”

  “We fell asleep,” I said, looking at him pleadingly.

  “Yes,” he said. He kept staring at me. “There is another issue, however, which is . . . Well!” He cleared his throat. “You see, darling, sex is a very complicated thing. It’s . . . it’s a very intimate, important, thrilling thing that can happen between two people.”

  “Uh huh?”

  “It’s . . . well, it’s an expression of feeling, it changes a relationship . . . It’s not something you rush into.”

  “But we didn’t,” I said.

  He stopped and sighed. “The point I’m getting at is this . . . you’re just fourteen, darling. You have all of life ahead of you. If you experience everything now, before you’re ready, what will be left?”

  “I’m not exactly sure what you mean,” I said. I looked at him, frowning.

  “I mean that I doubt you and Joshua are ready for this kind of intimacy. Did he pressure you in some way and make you feel—”

  I shook my head. “No. Really, Daddy. Not at all.”

  “He didn’t make you feel that unless you did it, he’d be angry or wouldn’t see you again?”

  “No . . . really, we’re just doing it because we want to.”

  “Doing it?” Daddy looked startled.

  Suddenly I wondered if we were talking about the same thing. “What we were doing last night when—”

  “You’ve done it before?” He looked horrified.

  “Well . . . yeah.”

  “How many times?”

  I giggled, mainly from nervousness. “I don’t know. I haven’t been keeping track.”

  Daddy still had that horrified expression. “But, I mean, for how long? When did this start?”

  “In June.”

  “June? That’s four months ago!”

  I nodded.

  “You’ve been doing it for four months?”

  “Yeah.”

  He seemed at a loss for words. “Who knew about this? Did Delia know? Did Amanda know?”

  “I guess I thought everyone knew,” I said sheepishly. Actually, I hadn’t been sure, but I’d sort of assumed it.

  “How old is Joshua?” Daddy said sternly.

  “Well, he’ll be sixteen at the end of October . . . His birthday is the same week as yours, Daddy. He’s a Scorpio too.”

  “And, I mean, has he had many . . .” he waved his hands “. . . amorous involvements?”

  “You mean with girls?”

  “He’s done it with boys, too?”

  “No, I just wasn’t sure what you meant.”

  “Does he go around fucking every pretty girl he can lay his hands on or what?”

  “No!” What an awful thing to say! “Joshua’s not like that, Daddy. Really. We’re in love with each other.”

  “Love?” Daddy looked dismayed.

  I looked at him, puzzled. “Well, didn’t you think we were? That’s why we do it, because we love each other.”

  “Darling.” He heaved a huge sigh.

  “What, Daddy?”

  “You’re fourteen years old.”

  “I know that, Daddy.”

  “Love and sex—You should be out flying kites, going to parties, having fun.”

  “I am having fun.”

  “This is your childhood. You’ll never have it again. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.”

  “Daddy, fourteen isn’t childhood.”

  “Well, it’s too young for screwing around!” He looked angry.

  I felt like I was going to cry. “It’s not screwing around.”

  “That boy’s parents should be taken to jail. ‘Our son knows what he’s doing.’ Bullshit!” His face was getting red.

  Just then the door opened and Mom came in. Her cheeks were all pink—she has very light skin. She looked pretty. “Oh, hi, darling. Sorry, I’m a little late. Thanks, Tat, for setting the table.” She threw her coat on the front-hall table. “Oh God, wait till I tell you what Simon said about the show.”

  “Simon said,” Daddy said grimly.

  “The chicken’ll only take a sec,” Mom said placatingly. “It just has to be warmed up. Go call Deel, will you, hon?”

  As we sat down, Mom said, “Listen, you’re not going to believe this but—”

  “I gather no one here is interested in what happened with the Laskers,” Daddy said, interrupting her.

  “The who’s?” Mom said, ripping off a chunk of bread. Mom is like me. She can eat everything in sight and never get fat.

  “The Laskers?” Daddy said patiently. “Joshua’s parents?”

  “Oh, right,” Mom said. “Yeah, what happened?”

  “We’re meeting them for a drink at nine.”

  “Oh great,” Mom said cheerfully. “I’ve always wanted to meet them. Isn’t he a lawyer or some such thing?”

  “Correct,” Daddy said. “He—”

  “What does she do, Tat?” Mom said. Mom is always more interested in what mothers do.

  “Something with charities,” I said, cutting my chicken. Mom had put wine in it and mushrooms, which I don’t like. I began heaping them neatly to one side of my plate.

  “Ugh,” Mom said.

  “Ugh?” said Daddy.

  “I just hate people who do things with charities.”

  “Well, that’s a nice charitable attitude to have,” Daddy said dryly.

  “Oh, you know what I mean, sweetie. All those ghastly people who lord it over you, doing good.”

  “Would you like them if they were doing bad?” Daddy said, pouring himself a second glass of wine.

  “I think so,” Mom said. “I mean, doing good is so dreary. At least doing bad is inventive.”

  “She’s his second wife,” I said.

  “Who?” said Mom.

  “Joshua’s mother.”

  “Okay,” Mom said. “I can’t very well inveigh against second wives, being one myself.”

  “He divorced her,” I said. “I mean, he got her a divorce, and then he got himself one and then they got married.”

  “And from which union did Joshua spring?” Daddy asked.

  “She didn’t have any kids from the first one. I think he had, like, a few, one or two or something.”

  “One tends to lose count,” Daddy said.

  “They’re grown up,” I said. “In college or even out of college. They have regular jobs and stuff like that.”

  “Now can I tell about the show?” Mom said.

  “Yeah, what’s happening?” Deel said.

  “So, we’re just going to drop the Laskers and the whole topic?” Daddy said. “Is that the idea? Everything’s said that can be?”

  Mom looked at him, her head to one side. “Sweetie.”

  “Sweetie what?”
Daddy said.

  “Well, I mean, do we have to brood about this all evening? We’re going to meet them, we’ll hash it all out. Why rant on endlessly?”

  “Was that what I was doing?” Daddy said. “Ranting on? Pardon me.”

  “Do you have anything more to say?” Mom said. “Say it, then.”

  “Well, I don’t want to interrupt some fascinating tidbit about your show,” Daddy said.

  Mom looked furious. She hates it when Daddy says condescending things about her show. She says just because he taught Chekhov and Shakespeare doesn’t mean he has the right to look down his nose at her for taking work where she can get it. “Oh, fuck off, Lionel. Really!”

  “I just want to know one thing,” Daddy said. “I gather that Tatiana’s involvement with this charming, well-connected young man has been common knowledge to everyone present . . . with the possible irrelevant exception of myself.”

  “Common knowledge?” Mom said.

  “They’ve been fucking around for four months and no one has said a word about it!”

  “We haven’t been fucking around, Daddy,” I said, hurt.

  “These two young people have had carnal knowledge of each other since last spring,” Daddy said. “Is that correct, Tatiana?”

  “Lionel, Jesus!” Mom said.

  “No, I’m just mildly puzzled that this state of affairs has been considered so trifling that no one thought to bring it to my attention.”

  “Some of us like to mind our own business,” Mom said, pushing her plate aside.

  “Oh?” Daddy said. “Well, no doubt there are other events of a similar nature about which I am likewise in the dark. What have you been up to, Delia? How many lovers do you have on the side? Your mathematics tutor? The doorman?”

  Delia grinned. “Right, Daddy . . . I like older men.”

  “Lionel, don’t you remember what it was like to be in love?” Mom said.

  “Love?”

  “Yes, love . . . remember? That’s what this is all about.”

  “It is, is it?” Daddy said.

  “Yes, it is, is it,” Mom said. “And will you stop that dreadful ironic tone about everything. You’re throwing a pall on our whole evening.”

  Daddy threw his hands up. “Which, of course, is the ultimate sin.”

  “What’s happening with your show, Mom?” Delia said in a friendly way. She hates it when Mom and Daddy fight.

  “Can I tell about it?” Mom said, casting a wry glance at Daddy. “Am I given permission?”

  “Yeah, what’s happening?” I said. I didn’t want to keep talking about Joshua.

  “Well, you’ll never believe this . . . but I may go back to it.”

  “How? You died,” Delia said.

  “Here’s what they’re thinking of. It’s still in the planning stage, so far. Poor Dwight has to go back to the hospital.”

  Dwight is Dr. Morrison, the man Myra (Mom) loves.

  “His kidneys again?” Daddy said. I could tell he was trying to act nice to get back on Mom’s good side.

  “Yeah, they’re acting up, something . . . Anyway, while he’s there, he thinks he sees me.”

  “Only they think he’s hallucinating,” Daddy said. He began to mix the salad.

  “Right . . . only he’s not. Because there’s a new nurse—that’ll be me—who looks exactly like me, only has different hair, I’d wear a wig or something.”

  “Is she you?” Delia asked.

  Mom shook her head. “My twin sister.”

  “I didn’t know you had one,” I said.

  “Neither did I,” Mom said. “Neither did anyone! The reason is, we were separated at birth and each adopted by another family, and neither of us knew we were twins. But Dwight sees the resemblance, and one day he notices a birthmark I evidently had on my thigh.”

  “How does he get a look at your thigh?” Daddy said. “I thought you were in the hospital.”

  “I’m wearing a short skirt,” Mom said breezily. “Who knows?”

  “And Myra had the same birthmark?” Daddy said.

  “Right,” Mom said.

  “Well, that’s exciting, darling,” Daddy said. “When do you hear definitely?”

  Mom gave him a fishy glance. “Do you really think it’s exciting?”

  “Of course I do.” Mom always says Daddy is supportive of her career; one, because she makes money and they do things like take trips and, two, because it makes her happy to work and if she’s not happy she gets in a rotten mood.

  Daddy got up and went over and gave Mom a hug. I think they do love each other, even though they yell at each other a lot. Deel says love and hate are closely connected. I guess that’s so, but I don’t think I hate Joshua. Not yet. Right now I just love him.

  Chapter Three

  At nine Mom and Daddy got ready to go out and meet Joshua’s parents. “Have a nice time,” Deel said.

  “We will.” Mom gave me a hug. “Don’t worry, hon.”

  I was a little worried. I went in and called Joshua. He works at a camping store till eight Tuesday and Friday, but he’d just gotten in.

  “They just left,” he said about his parents.

  “Mine too . . . I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be, Rust . . . it’ll be okay.”

  “He thinks fourteen is too young,” I said.

  “It depends on the person,” Joshua said. “You’re very mature for your age.”

  “Do you think so?”

  “Sure.”

  “He thinks it’s just screwing around.”

  “He sounds as dumb as my father.”

  “He’s just sort of . . . What if they say we can’t see each other anymore?”

  “We will, anyway.”

  “I’d hate to have to sneak around and—”

  “It’s going to be okay, Rust. Really.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Sure.”

  “How’s your cold?”

  “Better . . . Are you okay?”

  “Sure . . . I got an eighty-five on the French test.”

  “Terrific . . . Hey, listen, the bathtub wasn’t such a bad place, you know?”

  “Well, with all the towels . . . You didn’t feel uncomfortable?”

  “Uh uh . . . it was nice.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re nice.”

  “You too.”

  “I wish you were here right now,” Joshua said intensely.

  “Ummm.”

  “I’m going to pretend you are as soon as we hang up. I’m going to look at the photos.”

  Joshua once took some photos of me without any clothes on. That’s how we got the idea of doing it the first time, actually. “Call me tomorrow,” I said.

  “Okay,” Joshua said. He lowered his voice. “Sleep tight. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  There is one difference between Joshua and me about sex. I don’t know if this is the difference between boys and girls or just the difference between us as people. It’s that when we’re apart, he says he thinks about fucking with me all the time. Even when he’s working at the camping store. Or in school right in the middle of math class. Practically all the time, he says. Whereas I don’t think about it except when we’re doing it. I think about Joshua, but not so much about fucking with him.

  I don’t know if that means I’m not as interested in sex as he is. Maybe. He says it’s something you have to get into gradually and that the more you do it, the more you get into it. Especially with girls. He says they don’t always take to it right away, but after a while they do, most of them. I like fucking with Joshua, but I don’t love it. Not yet. But maybe eventually I will.

  In the morning Daddy slept late, but Mom was up. She had a call-back at nine for a commercial about coconut icing.

  “How’d it go?” I asked her when we were both in the kitchen.

  “Pretty good,” Mom said. She poured some wheat germ into the blender. That’s to make this drink she has in the morning, which has
honey and a banana and milk in it to give her energy. “Lionel was actually fairly civilized. It really just all boiled down to minor things like curfews and how Joshua should be home by eleven. There was really no point of disagreement.”

  I swallowed. “How about sex?”

  “Well, sex actually wasn’t directly discussed,” Mom said. “Lionel kept saying ‘we don’t know if you realize how young Tatiana is,’ and Joshua’s parents looked abashed and said they hadn’t. Then there were lots of vague comments about modern-day teenagers and how things have changed and the differences between boys and girls, but no one quite came out and said . . . It’s going to be okay, Tat, really. Lionel’ll simmer down. He always does.”

  “Joshua and I do lots of other things besides fuck,” I said. “It isn’t like that’s all we do when we’re together.”

  “Of course you do,” Mom said, pouring her drink from the blender.

  “People always think teenagers are sex maniacs,” I said. “Like, that’s all they ever do.”

  “I know,” Mom said. “And basically it’s adults who . . .”

  “Are sex maniacs?” I said, surprised.

  “Well, women don’t really get interested in sex till they’re thirty,” Mom said. “Or even forty.”

  “Really?” That was surprising. “How about men?”

  “Oh, I suppose men vary,” Mom said vaguely.

  “Is Daddy interested in sex?”

  “Lionel?” She looked uncomfortable. “Well, I’d say . . . sure, moderately. I mean, not disinterested . . . Have you met Joshua’s father, Tat?”

  I made a face. “I don’t like him that much. Neither does Joshua.”

  “Well, he is kind of . . . He kept kind of nudging up against me in the restaurant and raving on and on about what a wonderful actress he’d heard I was and now that he’d met me, he knew why I had such an exquisite daughter. I mean, his wife was sitting right there. Maybe she’s used to it, though.”

  “What did she say?” I said nervously.

  “Oh, she and Lionel had this intense discussion about teenage morals and the horrors of drugs and how the modern world was a dreadful place for the young. You know, that type of thing. . . I think Lionel liked her. She has a kind of nervous intensity if you like mawkishly moralistic mouselike types.”